Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Fear and Calm

When I was eight months pregnant with Silas, Jayson decided it would be a good time to start his own business.  Really, Jayson?  NOW? I remember thinking (and probably saying).  Despite my initial concerns, God filled me with His peace about our future, our financial provision, and our family’s well-being.

Whenever Jayson looks at the upcoming months on his work calendar and stresses that there are no projects on the schedule, I am filled with that same peace.  I pray confidently, knowing that God will provide work.  And He always does, usually within days, if not hours, of our prayers.  The phone always rings.

I tend to worry, instead, about irrational things.  The boys getting kidnapped.  SIDS (when they were babies).  Jayson getting into a car crash.  I worry about these horrific catastrophes that, in all likelihood, will only happen in my useless imagination.

But the real stuff?  I give that over to God and breathe a sigh of relief.

So why do I waste my time giving myself anxiety attacks over ridiculous never-even-happened situations that I think up for no good reason?  I have no idea.  I’m a flawed, fear-filled sinner.  But fear is the opposite of love, and God is Love.  And I love God.  It doesn’t add up.

I remind myself to Philippians 4:8 my thoughts.  It always stops me dead in my mindful tracks:  Whatever is TRUE BOOM – right there, Satan’s attacks on my mind and heart get shut down.  Pushed out.  Buried.  Stay down, I tell Satan.  You don’t own me, you don’t belong in my thoughts.  My heart is already occupied.

And the calm returns.

OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.

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