I have an opinion on just about everything, and I feel compelled to share it. I’m constantly working on this. I’m working on listening more and keeping my mouth shut. I cannot overstate how difficult this is for me.
When Jayson and I were engaged, the topic of submission was a big one (second only to whether or not we’d have pets one day). I was a “very strong independent woman” (see previous post), and he took his headship of our family very seriously. Not wanting a two-headed monster invading our future, we tackled submission and family roles head-on.
There were many discussions (read: arguments) about roles and capacities and abilities and who-gets-to-decide-what and why-should-you-get-to-decide and you’re-not-the-boss-of-me. I couldn’t humble myself. God forbid I be “less.” I didn’t get it. I didn’t want to get it.
My mother-in-law mailed me a book called “Liberated Through Submission” by P.B. Wilson. It transformed my entire way of thinking about submission. I was also praying about it, and the Holy Spirit opened my heart and mind to understand what submission meant biblically – by God’s definition, NOT the world’s.
God says man and woman have unique roles in a marriage.
The world says man and woman are equal in every aspect.
God says man is the head of the home.
The world says whoever makes more money has more pull.
The world says whoever is loudest or strongest gets the final say.
The world says man and woman can both be the head of the home.
God says wives are to submit to their husbands.
The world says wives who submit to their husbands are weak.
The world says husbands who “make” their wives submit are controlling.
The world says wives who submit to their husbands are living in some 1950s “Leave it to Beaver” fantasy.
God says wives are valuable, important and worthy.
The world says wives are valuable, important and worthy when they’re calling the shots, working a high-powered/paying job, and living the false, damaging “superwoman” stereotype.
An important factor to remember is to choose a spouse who is spiritually equally-yoked. Marrying someone who does not understand the Bible makes submission (and a healthy marriage, really) extremely difficult. The husband has to understand his role in submitting to God and the weight he carries of answering to the Lord for his family. Without that understanding, he will not have compassion on his wife’s role in submitting to him.
I put it this way: I chose to marry a man of God. He loves me. He respects my mind and my opinions. Every decision he makes for me and for our family is made out of love and with our best interest in mind. Why would I argue with someone who is always putting God first and his family second?
I would much rather answer to Jayson. Jayson has to answer to God, and that’s not a responsibility I want on my shoulders. He has so much more weight to bear for our family’s spiritual journey.
That doesn’t mean I keep my opinions to myself. It just means I don’t fight to the death to get my way on every decision involving our family. It means I trust my husband. It means I’m obedient to God’s word. It means I focus on the many other responsibilities I have as a wife – as the eyes, hands and heart of our family.
OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.