Cerebral Collapse

I admire my husband.  He works really hard.  Most days he works 10-12 hours, comes home to play with the boys and helps put them to bed, and then works another 2-3 hours in the office.  Just today he drove to Los Angeles and back.  There are days he’s doing stucco, installing pools, and crawling through attics.  But nothing he does can compare to this:

“Mommy, do horses dig?  Why are you turning left?  Are we at the library?  Why is the light green?  Why is it red?  Why didn’t you stop when it was yellow?  Can we go home now?  Can I have a snack?  Mommy?  Why do you have eyebrows?  Can I watch Backyardigans?  Why do I have to sit on the potty?  How do you say ‘flagpole’ in Armenian?  Would Dede know?  Why does Silas get to go in the car first?  Are the neighbors home?  Can we play outside?  Mommy?  When is Daddy coming home?  What in the sky is white?  Is the strawberry stand open?  Can we take cookies to the firemen?  Why do we have to listen to James’s song again?  Where did Jesus die?  Why does the leprechaun keep his gold at the end of the rainbow?  Is this a real penny?  Can I have another snack?  Can you come to my room with me?  Why can’t I step in the puddle?  What does that even mean?  Mommy?  What else is green?  Why doesn’t that bus have a stop sign on it?  What’s inside a tree?  Why is the fence dirty?  Is that stinkbug dead?  Can we stay in the tub for one bazillion minutes?  Why do you need privacy in the bathroom?  Where’s my piggy bank?  Where’s my big kindergarten workbook?  Where’s the pen that goes with it?  What’s cerulean?  Why can’t it just be blue?  Why do strawberries have these little seeds on them?  Why are we only reading two bedtime stories?  Mommy?”

And in an effort not to squelch my beautiful, intelligent, curious, inquisitive boys’ spirits, I answer every question.

OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.

Reading Rainbow

I am currently reading:

¨      The Bible

¨      Every Child Needs a Praying Mom (Fern Nichols)

¨      A Year in High Heels (Camilla Morton)

¨      Desiring God (John Piper)

¨      Above Rubies (Issue:  Eighty-One)

¨      Vogue (April issue)

¨      A chapter of a friend’s upcoming book, still in progress

¨      Bedtime stories to Silas

Waiting patiently to be read:

¨      Have a New Kid by Friday (Dr. Kevin Leman)

¨      Vogue (May issue)

Imminent Book Club Pick:

¨      City of Tranquil Light (Bo Caldwell)

Recently read:

¨      Now, Can You Trust Me? (Nairy Ohanian)

¨      Strengths Finder 2.0 (Tom Rath)

¨      Queen of the Castle (Lynn Bowen Walker)

OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.

Awakening

Two nights ago I had a dream.

I was walking on a street with Silas, holding his hand.  We were happy.  There was a feeling of peace, security, comfort.  Up ahead we saw a bird or some flying creature come down from heaven and perch high on a tree.  We knew it was an angel in bird form.  We also knew that Silas would be one soon.  He was going to take that form.  That’s what we were walking toward.

As we approached it, we stopped.  Silas scrunched up his face.  “My head hurts,” he said.  I knew the transformation was beginning.  I was filled with peace.  I looked at him and said, “You’re going to see Jesus!  Look for Jesus!”

And then I woke up.  My heart was racing.  As I was waking up, I realized what the “transformation” meant.  What Silas going to heaven and seeing Jesus meant.  I couldn’t go back to sleep.

I stewed on this all day yesterday.  I couldn’t get the image of his scrunched up face out of my head.  I had a hard day.

This morning after dropping Silas off at school, James and I ran a couple of errands and then headed home.  We came home a different way than we usually do, up a long country road that we don’t normally use.  I knew there would be a stop sign at the point where we needed to turn, and so I drove along, looking for the stop sign.

WHOOSH.  What?!?  As we crossed an intersection, a car almost hit us!  My heart was racing as I immediately honked my horn.  Typical East Coast reflex.  Why didn’t he stop?  Wait, was I supposed to stop?  There was no stop sign!

I made a U-turn and drove back toward the intersection.  I looked across the street to where I had just come from, and sure enough the stop sign was there – run down into the ground.  No wonder I hadn’t seen it.  We had come really close to getting hit.  Too close for my comfort.  James was in the car with me.

Thank you, Jesus!

And then it hit me.  The realization.  The awakening from my dream two nights before.

Jesus was sending me a very clear message, in a way that my dense brain could understand:  “I AM IN CHARGE OF YOUR LIVES.”

Thank you, Jesus!

My life, my husband’s life, my boys’ lives – they are all in His hands.  My racing heart, his scrunched up face, the tears flowing as I type this right now – none of them matter, because our lives are in His hands.  We can rest in the peace of knowing He is in control of every minute of our lives, and we will live on this earth for exactly however long He has planned for us.  We will move on to our eternal home whenever He says so.  And then we will see Him and run into His arms.

OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.

Meat and Potatoes, Minus the Meat

I am a vegetarian.  Yes, an Armenian vegetarian.  It may sound like an oxymoron, but you’ll just have to deal with it.  I am continually amazed at people’s reactions to this uninteresting tidbit about my life.

Technically, I’m a pescatarian – I eat fish, dairy and eggs, but no meat or fowl.  For a long time I was a lacto-ovo vegetarian (no fish), but that changed when I became pregnant for the first time and Jayson started pressuring me to eat some fish for the baby’s sake.  Some people have asked if I’m a vegan, and the answer is an emphatic no.  I’m not quite sure what vegans eat, exactly.  Grass?  That’s too extreme, even for me.

So how did it all begin?  I’m not quite sure.  We have an old VHS recording of me eating lulu kebab as a young girl – maybe 7 or 8 years old – that Jayson gets a kick out of.  But I’ve always been particular about meat.  I could manage burgers and ground beef, but I’ve always had a hard time eating shish kebab or steak.  I didn’t have a problem with sarma or lamejun or kufteh.  I ate cheeseburgers for a long time.  And chicken breast was okay, but never drumsticks or wings.  I remember watching my sister eat drumsticks and I just couldn’t do it – seeing the ligaments come off the bones made me sick to my stomach.

One thing should be made very clear – I believe that God created animals to be eaten.  I am not a vegetarian for ethical reasons.  I do not begrudge anyone for eating meat (more power to you).  I just don’t like the taste or texture of meat.  It feels like I’d be chewing on my arm, if that makes any sense.

Throughout high school and the early years of college I started eating less and less meat.  Red meat was cut out completely, and then chicken.  The last time I remember eating meat was at a banquet at the very beginning of my senior year in college (it was white chicken breast, I believe); that was almost 17 years ago.

I speak to my father daily, and to this day he asks if I’ve started eating meat again.  “Just a little chicken, Silva,” he pleads.  But I really have no interest in it, and I don’t miss it.  Sometimes I feel low in energy, and I wonder if it’s because of my diet.  But disliking meat makes it so easy to not have it, as opposed to people who give up meat for ethical or health reasons but really miss the taste.

I do believe that a vegetarian diet can be a very healthy one, if it is balanced by vegetables, beans, legumes, etc.  (I tend to be very carb-heavy, and need bread with every meal to feel full.)  I rarely get sick, and I have a physical every year which shows healthy bloodwork.  I want my boys to eat meat and I serve it to them, but Jayson usually prepares it as I have no idea what I’m doing with it.

My biggest pet peeve is when people try to convince me that I need to eat meat.  Most cruel is when people trick me into eating meat by serving me something and telling me there is no meat in it, when there really is.  This is the fastest way to lose me as a friend, as I have no tolerance for people who lie to me and think it is funny.

I do not tell people how to eat or what to eat, so I don’t understand why people continue to criticize my eating habits.  I may not eat meat, but I also avoid fast food and I don’t drink alcohol, coffee or soda.  I think my diet is probably healthier than most people’s.

If we are ever out to dinner, and you hear me order a baked potato, French fries, rice and bread, please keep your opinions to yourself.  And pass the ketchup.

OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.

Family Man

Sometimes

I

listen

very

attentively

just

as

you

sigh

over

nothing in particular.

Smiling,

I

listen

again,

surprised at the

joy

a breath

momentarily

elicits. I

savor it.

Picking Places

Places I have been:

1)      Spain

2)      Amsterdam

3)      Armenia

4)      Karabagh

5)      Kuwait

Places I visit frequently:

1)      Trader Joe’s

2)      Target

3)      Costco

Places I don’t feel too comfortable:

1)      A steakhouse

2)      Yoga class

3)      Anywhere with smokers

Places I go with the boys:

1)      The library

2)      Many parks (they have nicknames for all of the ones we go to)

3)      Yogurtville

Places I go alone:

1)      The hair salon

Places I’d like to visit one day:

1)      Greece

2)      Israel

3)      Coco Chanel’s apartment

Place I should be right now:

1)      In bed

Places that make me happy:

1)      On the couch reading with my boys

2)      Eating at Bombay Club in Harvard Square with Jayson

3)      My in-laws’ house on Sunday afternoons

Places I used to go but don’t go now:

1)      Dance clubs

2)      IHOP after dance clubs

Places I avoid like the plague:

1)      Los Angeles

2)      The gym

3)      The mall

Places I am right now:

1)      Contentment

2)      Sleepiness

3)      Getting off my shoebox

Head Over Feet

I heard “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette on the radio today.  I love that song.

I remembered that I had made a mix-tape years ago and that song was on it.  So when I got home I found the mix-tape and, sure enough, “Head Over Feet” is on it.

Other songs from my mix-tapes dated 10/95:

“Your Love is King” (Sade)

“Stir it Up” (Bob Marley)

“Trouble Me” (Natalie Merchant)

“Stage” (Live)

“Give it Away” (RHCP)

“Corduroy” (Pearl Jam)

“Polly” (Nirvana)

“Sabotage” (Beastie Boys)

I can honestly say I still love all of these songs.

In October of 1995 I was 21 years old and had graduated from Boston College the previous spring.  I was working full time for The Armenian Mirror-Spectator newspaper.  My mother had started to show signs of illness, but we had no idea the devastation that the coming year would bring.

But hearing Alanis sing today,

You are the bearer of unconditional things

You held your breath and the door for me

Thanks for your patience

and

I’ve never felt this healthy before

I’ve never wanted something rational

I am aware now

took me back to lighter, happier days.

OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.