Saturday, April 16, 2011

Reading Rainbow

I am currently reading:
¨      The Bible
¨      Every Child Needs a Praying Mom (Fern Nichols)
¨      A Year in High Heels (Camilla Morton)
¨      Desiring God (John Piper)
¨      Above Rubies (Issue:  Eighty-One)
¨      Vogue (April issue)
¨      A chapter of a friend’s upcoming book, still in progress
¨      Bedtime stories to Silas

Waiting patiently to be read:
¨      Have a New Kid by Friday (Dr. Kevin Leman)
¨      Vogue (May issue)

Imminent Book Club Pick:
¨      City of Tranquil Light (Bo Caldwell)

Recently read:
¨      Now, Can You Trust Me? (Nairy Ohanian)
¨      Strengths Finder 2.0 (Tom Rath)
¨      Queen of the Castle (Lynn Bowen Walker)

OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Awakening

Two nights ago I had a dream.

I was walking on a street with Silas, holding his hand.  We were happy.  There was a feeling of peace, security, comfort.  Up ahead we saw a bird or some flying creature come down from heaven and perch high on a tree.  We knew it was an angel in bird form.  We also knew that Silas would be one soon.  He was going to take that form.  That’s what we were walking toward.

As we approached it, we stopped.  Silas scrunched up his face.  “My head hurts,” he said.  I knew the transformation was beginning.  I was filled with peace.  I looked at him and said, “You’re going to see Jesus!  Look for Jesus!”

And then I woke up.  My heart was racing.  As I was waking up, I realized what the “transformation” meant.  What Silas going to heaven and seeing Jesus meant.  I couldn’t go back to sleep.

I stewed on this all day yesterday.  I couldn’t get the image of his scrunched up face out of my head.  I had a hard day.

This morning after dropping Silas off at school, James and I ran a couple of errands and then headed home.  We came home a different way than we usually do, up a long country road that we don’t normally use.  I knew there would be a stop sign at the point where we needed to turn, and so I drove along, looking for the stop sign.

WHOOSH.  What?!?  As we crossed an intersection, a car almost hit us!  My heart was racing as I immediately honked my horn.  Typical East Coast reflex.  Why didn’t he stop?  Wait, was I supposed to stop?  There was no stop sign!

I made a U-turn and drove back toward the intersection.  I looked across the street to where I had just come from, and sure enough the stop sign was there – run down into the ground.  No wonder I hadn’t seen it.  We had come really close to getting hit.  Too close for my comfort.  James was in the car with me.

Thank you, Jesus!

And then it hit me.  The realization.  The awakening from my dream two nights before.

Jesus was sending me a very clear message, in a way that my dense brain could understand:  “I AM IN CHARGE OF YOUR LIVES.”

Thank you, Jesus!

My life, my husband’s life, my boys’ lives – they are all in His hands.  My racing heart, his scrunched up face, the tears flowing as I type this right now – none of them matter, because our lives are in His hands.  We can rest in the peace of knowing He is in control of every minute of our lives, and we will live on this earth for exactly however long He has planned for us.  We will move on to our eternal home whenever He says so.  And then we will see Him and run into His arms.

OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Meat and Potatoes, Minus the Meat

I am a vegetarian.  Yes, an Armenian vegetarian.  It may sound like an oxymoron, but you’ll just have to deal with it.  I am continually amazed at people’s reactions to this uninteresting tidbit about my life.

Technically, I’m a pescatarian – I eat fish, dairy and eggs, but no meat or fowl.  For a long time I was a lacto-ovo vegetarian (no fish), but that changed when I became pregnant for the first time and Jayson started pressuring me to eat some fish for the baby’s sake.  Some people have asked if I’m a vegan, and the answer is an emphatic no.  I’m not quite sure what vegans eat, exactly.  Grass?  That’s too extreme, even for me.

So how did it all begin?  I’m not quite sure.  We have an old VHS recording of me eating lulu kebab as a young girl – maybe 7 or 8 years old – that Jayson gets a kick out of.  But I’ve always been particular about meat.  I could manage burgers and ground beef, but I’ve always had a hard time eating shish kebab or steak.  I didn’t have a problem with sarma or lamejun or kufteh.  I ate cheeseburgers for a long time.  And chicken breast was okay, but never drumsticks or wings.  I remember watching my sister eat drumsticks and I just couldn’t do it – seeing the ligaments come off the bones made me sick to my stomach.

One thing should be made very clear – I believe that God created animals to be eaten.  I am not a vegetarian for ethical reasons.  I do not begrudge anyone for eating meat (more power to you).  I just don’t like the taste or texture of meat.  It feels like I’d be chewing on my arm, if that makes any sense.

Throughout high school and the early years of college I started eating less and less meat.  Red meat was cut out completely, and then chicken.  The last time I remember eating meat was at a banquet at the very beginning of my senior year in college (it was white chicken breast, I believe); that was almost 17 years ago.

I speak to my father daily, and to this day he asks if I’ve started eating meat again.  “Just a little chicken, Silva,” he pleads.  But I really have no interest in it, and I don’t miss it.  Sometimes I feel low in energy, and I wonder if it’s because of my diet.  But disliking meat makes it so easy to not have it, as opposed to people who give up meat for ethical or health reasons but really miss the taste.

I do believe that a vegetarian diet can be a very healthy one, if it is balanced by vegetables, beans, legumes, etc.  (I tend to be very carb-heavy, and need bread with every meal to feel full.)  I rarely get sick, and I have a physical every year which shows healthy bloodwork.  I want my boys to eat meat and I serve it to them, but Jayson usually prepares it as I have no idea what I’m doing with it.

My biggest pet peeve is when people try to convince me that I need to eat meat.  Most cruel is when people trick me into eating meat by serving me something and telling me there is no meat in it, when there really is.  This is the fastest way to lose me as a friend, as I have no tolerance for people who lie to me and think it is funny.

I do not tell people how to eat or what to eat, so I don’t understand why people continue to criticize my eating habits.  I may not eat meat, but I also avoid fast food and I don’t drink alcohol, coffee or soda.  I think my diet is probably healthier than most people’s.

If we are ever out to dinner, and you hear me order a baked potato, French fries, rice and bread, please keep your opinions to yourself.  And pass the ketchup.

OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Family Man

Sometimes
I
listen
very
attentively
just
as
you
sigh
over
nothing in particular.
Smiling,
I
listen
again,
surprised at the
joy
a breath
momentarily
elicits. I
savor it.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Picking Places

Places I have been:

1)      Spain
2)      Amsterdam
3)      Armenia
4)      Karabagh
5)      Kuwait

Places I visit frequently:

1)      Trader Joe’s
2)      Target
3)      Costco

Places I don’t feel too comfortable:

1)      A steakhouse
2)      Yoga class
3)      Anywhere with smokers

Places I go with the boys:

1)      The library
2)      Many parks (they have nicknames for all of the ones we go to)
3)      Yogurtville

Places I go alone:

1)      The hair salon

Places I’d like to visit one day:

1)      Greece
2)      Israel
3)      Coco Chanel’s apartment

Place I should be right now:

1)      In bed

Places that make me happy:

1)      On the couch reading with my boys
2)      Eating at Bombay Club in Harvard Square with Jayson
3)      My in-laws’ house on Sunday afternoons

Places I used to go but don’t go now:

1)      Dance clubs
2)      IHOP after dance clubs

Places I avoid like the plague:

1)      Los Angeles
2)      The gym
3)      The mall

Places I am right now:

1)      Contentment
2)      Sleepiness
3)      Getting off my shoebox

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Head Over Feet

I heard “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette on the radio today.  I love that song.

I remembered that I had made a mix-tape years ago and that song was on it.  So when I got home I found the mix-tape and, sure enough, “Head Over Feet” is on it.

Other songs from my mix-tapes dated 10/95:

“Your Love is King” (Sade)
“Stir it Up” (Bob Marley)
“Trouble Me” (Natalie Merchant)
“Stage” (Live)
“Give it Away” (RHCP)
“Corduroy” (Pearl Jam)
“Polly” (Nirvana)
“Sabotage” (Beastie Boys)

I can honestly say I still love all of these songs.

In October of 1995 I was 21 years old and had graduated from Boston College the previous spring.  I was working full time for The Armenian Mirror-Spectator newspaper.  My mother had started to show signs of illness, but we had no idea the devastation that the coming year would bring.

But hearing Alanis sing today,

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

and

I’ve never felt this healthy before
I’ve never wanted something rational
I am aware now

took me back to lighter, happier days.

OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Eat Pray Love ~ A Lesson in Futility

Eat Pray Love is the true story of a woman who is unsatisfied in her marriage and unfulfilled in her life.  (Full disclosure:  I watched the movie but have not read the book.  I am not trying to judge her – these are simply my observations and opinions.)  So she divorces her husband (against his desires), finds a boyfriend, and takes off by herself on a year-long trek to Italy, India and Indonesia to find herself.

I thought this would be a fun adventure movie in the vein of Under the Tuscan Sun.  Not even close.

My first issue was with her leaving her marriage.  I accept that perhaps the movie was not complete in how it portrayed this scenario, but it seemed that she gave up and walked away from a husband who did not want her to go.  Yes, he seemed aimless and unfocused, but did she attempt counseling?  Did she try at all?

Soon after she finds a boyfriend – an actor performing in one of her plays (she is a writer).  She moves in with him and gets influenced by his new age beliefs.  This relationship gets rocky, which furthers her personal confusion and prompts her worldly adventure.

First stop, Italy.  She lives in a dilapidated apartment, makes some friends, learns Italian, and eats pasta.

Next stop, India.  She stays at the ashram of her boyfriend’s guru/yogi (I don’t even know the proper terms).  She meditates, makes some friends, and has to be told that fulfillment won’t magically appear at her feet.

Finally, to Bali, where she revisits a medicine man she had met on a previous trip.  She continues to meditate, visits a healer, and meets the man of her dreams.  Initially she’s scared to commit, but in the end, they sail off happily ever after.

I was incredulous at the messages this movie – her life, really – sends out.  I do not want to invalidate or belittle her emotions or life’s journey, but it really left me shaking my head.  When life gets hard – and it will – you can’t just run.  When you feel empty – and you will – it’s not an easy fill.

But mostly, she – and every single one of us – has a God-shaped hole in our hearts.  And not just any god or the god of your choosing, but a hole the shape of the one and only Father, Jesus Christ.  Some of us accept and fill that hole with the God who fits.  Others reject Him or don’t care or don’t want Him, and chase every path but the true one in a futile attempt to fill that gaping hole.

These empty, unsatisfied, unfulfilled, unbalanced hearts search for a way to fill up – on people, love, boy/girlfriends, jobs, status, money, alcohol, food, games, shopping, traveling… the list goes on.  Did this woman of Eat Pray Love really think her fulfillment would come at the bottom of a bowl of spaghetti?  Maybe for that moment it did, but a few hours later, she was probably hungering for more.  Would it come from an ashram?  Why that one and not one of the thousands of other Hindu gods?  Would it come from a medicine man?  A man who read her palm – a blatantly sinful act that goes against God’s word?

Filling our emptiness with further emptiness is no solution.  Not only does it not help, but it stretches that hole in an almost toxic way.  There is no lasting satisfaction, fulfillment, balance or healing.

It makes me sad.  I am left wondering if, in her time of need, someone – anyone – put their arms around her and asked her if she knew about the One – the only One who could ever fill that hole in her heart and never leave her hungering and searching again.

OK, I’m getting off my shoebox now.